I was walking my pup, Myrtle, on the beach one stunning summer afternoon this past August in South Beath. I came across a ‘latino-chichi-meets-satchi-bikini-party-family-reunion’ outside Nikki Beach. Now, we all LOVE the intoxicating ‘outdoor-beach-bed-throw-off-your-clothes-and-snog’ vibe Nikki Beach showers us with 24/7 but they are usually responsible for the excessive noise and human spillage on the beach on weekends.  We’ve even stumbled out to the water after drinks at Nikki Beach for a breath of fresh air…  

This time it wasn’t Nikki. Nikki was still passed out from the night before so no one was even at the bar at 3:00.

A 3-piece ‘little-havana-homeboy-boy-band’ set themselves up and played their african drum, trumpet and shaker until they filled the beach with their families, friends and distant realtives.  I don’t know if they all came in on busloads or they creeped in over the bridge but they came out of the woodwork.  There were more than 150 local latinos drinkin’, dancin’ gettin down to the screeching noise from their novice trumpet player, Elio.  I have been told by the local prime grade who lives there that this self-made “Carnivale” has taken place almost every Sunday last August.  Just imagine the trash!

 That day they went thru at least 500 beer cans, bottles and food that literally carpeted 1,200 sq. ft. of the beach. In the sand, laying next to their Igloo coolers and under their feet. Some “conscientious” idiot piled cans in neat piles every 20 ft. as if to say, “Its cool-I’m down with nature”.  Bottles were in the surf.  KFC catered the event so wings, legs, paper bags and boxes were everywhere for Bruno, the pit bull, to sample.  For a moment, I thought I was in Staten Island.  The City of Miami had at least 3-hours of work ahead of them to pick up after this festival the next morning.

I know it is notice comes late but this is just a causal reminder to anyone who thinks that pitching a piece of trash on nature’s playground is cool, your an idiot if you think it just disappears into the ether or someone will take care of that for you.  DON’T LITTER!

ALL magazines, newspapers, beer bottles, tampons, rubbers, milk cartons, MceeDee’s wraps and Starubucks all need to be thrown into the available trash cans the city typically places every 12 ft.  In this case, Sand = Ocean.  If you leave trash on the beach it will eventually get into the ocean, if not picked up, because of wind and hi-tide.  Just a little eco lesson for ya in case you forgot.

Then, the fish eat your crap. Birds eat your crap. Seals and Sea Loins eat your crap… and die.  Let’s try shoving a bottle down your throat and  see if you can breathe the next day.  Oh and if you’re one of those “cogliones” who are ‘against the man’ and claim it’s ’someone else’s job to clean up after you’.  Well…

News Flash:  You’re a pig and guess what?  That poor sap is working the entire 20-mile stretch of the trashed Miami Beach sands and is barely getting paid enough to take a crap more or less feed his entire extended family living with him. So, how is that a real job?  Oh, and dude, pretty soon you’ll be goin’ after that job if it gets any worse out there.

And by the way, by the time Alonzo gets down there with his trash sprear and truck load of heftys, 1/2 your party is in cute little Nemo’s mouth!  Hope ya don’t have kids.

She's talking and she's P#$@!& OFF!