February 23, 2009

Social Intelligence

By

Diana

 A friend asked me this morning if I was going to post a fashionista-centric badass critique of last night’s Oscar awards show. She knows that I am design obsessed and Twittered tons during the show in response to awkward gowns, unkempt hair, bad jokes and poorly prepared talking heads.

RED CARPET NO-NO’S

1. Never, not ever ever ever, chew gum while walking into an award event. If you are trying to curb your hunger keep a small napkin of almonds in your bag or pocket that can be swallowed quickly should Ryan Seacrest attempt to banter.

2. Do not twitter, text or blackberry while walking into an award event. In addition to missing an opportunity to bus the cheek of Daniel Craig or Seth Rogan (yummy!), the last thing you want is to step on and tear the train of $25,000 vintage gown. There is no insurance policy for a “you step on it, you pay for it” accident.

3. Casual is inappropriate. IRON your pants, have a professional wash and style your hair carefully apply your makeup, and put away the Crocs and Birkenstocks. Don’t forget your collar stays and a clip-on tie is not acceptable, even if you are under seven years old. The Red Carpet is, if nothing else, about putting your best, shiniest foot and highest heel forward.

4. Do not get drunk in the limo on the drive over. Or drink too much liquid in general. Reason: If you trip, falling all the way to the ground makes for very embarrassing photos. And god forbid you leak any you-know-what. It’s going to be a very, very long day, and you don’t want to smell like a urinal. Once the award show is over, imbibe-away.

5. Do not be late. No one is going to wait for you, and no one wants to see you walk down the aisle after the show has started. It’s rude, irresponsible and bad form. And something people will remember the next time they need to cut head count. Just don’t.

RED CARPET MUST DO’S

1. Smile. Nothing says, “I am so glad to be here and happy to see you” like a smile. Whether or not you feel that way in the moment, you are intelligent enough to realize that to not be at the award ceremony is to not be invited, and to not be invited is a career death knell. Practice gratitude.

2. Get a full night’s sleep the day before the awards ceremony and take an extra nap the day of if you can. The event, the people, the introductions, the small talk, the promotional chatter with talking heads, the Pilates posture above 4-inch stilettos is exhausting. Be prepared to savor the evening and enjoy the Governors Ball until dawn.

3. Suck it up. Not your stomach, your ego. Nothing makes for an uncomfortable awards show like airing sour grapes and resentments with colleagues. If you lose, congratulate the winner. If you win, express your respect for the other nominees. No matter they slept with your partner behind your back during last month’s filming. 

4. Edit yourself. Enthusiasm is a wonderful thing, but the energy of an award show can push everything into high gear. It’s easy to talk a little too much, a little too loud, show a little too much skin, and drink a little too much. You will have a better experience.

5. Have a great time, and snack away on tasty tidbits served on ME2 Design towers, trays and platters.

Dishin' with Di

Relationship Survival circa Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day, February 14:
A holiday ripe with sentiment, thick with expectation, a big revenue booster for the restaurant and red rose business, and the single day of the year that causes more people to fall out of love than get engaged. At least that’s the conclusion my education and experience supports…

Let’s face it. For all the money spent on talk therapy in the US, Valentine’s Day is the one holiday on which many intelligent and self-realized people still believe that their partner can read their mind. On any other day, an expression of good intentions can diffuse an argument. On Valentine’s Day however one wrong step can cause a relationship’s global apocalypse.  
Timing is part of the problem.  Many couples delay dealing with their conflicts until after the November – December holiday season. Then they sleep-walk through January in an over-spending, eating and liquor induced coma. Finally, February rolls around, they wake up and realize that the relationship needs serious work and they find themselves sitting on the “do I stay or do I go” fence. KABLAM – here comes Valentine’s Day, and with it the pressure to communicate unconditional love and support a wealth of Hallmark-esque romantic fantasies.

Frankly I don’t know how any relationship survives the month of February but whatever side of the relationship fence you fall, I have a few recommendations.

For those that can’t handle the pressure, don’t feel the unconditional love vibe, or make the decision to walk away from the relationship:

Do not play the “I will behave badly so they will break up with me and I can be the victim” game.  

If you believe that a relationship is broken, admit that you are unwilling to do the work to fix it. State your limitations and desire to move on, pure and simple. 

Own your decision, and do not be pulled into a long painful analysis of what is good and bad about the relationship, you or your partner. This discussion is an emotional quagmire designed to keep you connected to your ex- via pain and drama. Once the decision is made, the reasons behind the decision are irrelevant. 

Do not find fault in the person you are breaking up with or defend your feelings. One response to your ex-lover’s plea for an explanation may be: There were many wonderful moments in our relationship. I have no doubt that you will meet someone fantastic very soon and I wish you only the best. 

After the breakup conversation, NO CONTACT for at least 3 weeks. No phone, voice-mails, emails, face-books lookups, conversations in the hallway. Nothing. Do not try to jump directly into an awkward friendship. No contact equals no mixed messages or misunderstandings. Note: The no contact rule is tougher than the actual breakup but in order to heal, people need to experience life fully without the ghost of a broken relationship lingering about. 

On the short term, you may believe it’s more difficult to face your partner’s disappointment than behave horribly to a person that you cared for in the past.  Long term, however, stating the truth without all the bad behavior leaves your self-respect intact, less anger and resentment is harbored, and probability of both people moving on to loving relationships is greater. 

If you are the breakee, and are heartbroken, I am very sorry for your loss. You must remember that you are NOT a loser, and the good news is that you dodged a bullet. Stock up on movies, call your friends, take a trip, learn a language, keep busy, and embrace the idea that you should not have to convince anyone to love you, no matter what you may feel for them.

V’DAY ADVICE IF YOU LIVE IN

MUSHY MUSH-LAND

If you fall on the gushy, “get a room, will ya?” side of the relationship fence:

1. Flowers: if you don’t want red roses, state so LOUDLY and offer other floral suggestions. A picture on the refrigerator helps. It’s very hard to ignore the flower industry’s marketing blitz so tell your partner what you like in case they succumb. 

2. Food: If crowded restaurants are not your cup of tea, find out what your lover’s favorite foods are. Ask if they could choose their last meal on earth, what would it be?  If you don’t know how to prepare it, find someone that does or go to a gourmet store. Set a table. Light a candle. Taste can be as sensual as sight and smell. 

3. Nothing says “I love you and only you” like individual red velvet cupcakes served up on Angie’s Tasting Tower by ME2 Design.  A scrumptious recipe for red velvet cupcakes can be  found below. You can even craft sexy Twitter-style messages for the top of each.

4. Frolic: For the evening’s festivities to continue through to the next morning, don’t forget to take a long nap on the 13th and remember that too much liquor can diminish a man’s “stamina”. If have a desire to spice things up a bit, Valentine’s Day is a great opportunity to experiment with costumes (Cop? Genie? Anything involving a green jumpsuit, a hammer, and construction?), food (whipped cream, fruit, sushi, ice chips), or electronic devices (no description necessary). FYI: satin sheets are not all they are cracked up to be.

Whether you are in love, single or recently single and not happy about it, have fun and practice gratitude. A great love affair is a gift but having no relationship is MUCH more fun than being in a bad or mediocre one. 

Prep Time: 20 min.
Cook Time: 20 min
Total Time: 40 min      
Yield: 24 frosted cupcakes

Ingredients

    * 2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
    * 1 1/2 cups sugar
    * 1 teaspoon baking soda
    * 1 teaspoon salt
    * 1 teaspoon cocoa powder
    * 1 1/2 cups vegetable oil
    * 1 cup buttermilk, room temperature
    * 2 large eggs, room temperature
    * 2 tablespoons red food coloring
    * 1 teaspoon white distilled vinegar
    * 1 teaspoon vanilla extract

For the Cream Cheese Frosting:

    * 1 pound cream cheese, softened
    * 2 sticks butter, softened
    * 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
    * 4 cups sifted confectioners’ sugar
    * Chopped pecans and fresh raspberries or strawberries, for garnish

Directions

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. 
Line two (12-cup) muffin pans with cupcake papers.

In a medium mixing bowl, sift together the flour, sugar, baking soda, salt, and cocoa powder. In a large bowl gently beat together the oil, buttermilk, eggs, food coloring, vinegar, and vanilla with a handheld electric mixer. Add the sifted dry ingredients to the wet and mix until smooth and thoroughly combined.

Divide the batter evenly among the cupcake tins about 2/3 filled. Bake in oven for about 20 to 22 minutes, turning the pans once, half way through. Test the cupcakes with a toothpick for doneness. Remove from oven and cool completely before frosting.

For the Cream Cheese Frosting:

In a large mixing bowl, beat the cream cheese, butter and vanilla together until smooth. Add the sugar and on low speed, beat until incorporated. Increase the speed to high and mix until very light and fluffy

Before I write another word, I have a confession to make. 
I know next to nothing about the game of football. Or the teams or players or coaches or stadiums. Nothing, nada, niente, nicht, zip-arooni. That’s right, ZERO.

To add insult to injury to any real fan’s emotional involvement, during my 3-year association with Arizona State University, a highly respected Pac-10 behemoth of a school, I only attended the half-time shows of four games. One year, they were even invited to the Rose Bowl, and I didn’t turn it on. Not once.

In sum, I know just enough about football to make believe I understand what I’m watching and hoot at the appropriate times. And get away with it.

Below find the Real Reasons I watch the Super Super bowl: 

Far and Away No. 1: To meet macho sporty athletic-type men and women. HOT!
    
No. 2: To make sure I understand all the post-super bowl gossip and humor;
    
No. 3: To watch the television ads (the Budweiser horses always bring me to tears);
    
No. 4: To watch the half-time show (go Bruce!);

No. 5: To act as the designated driver for those that use Super Bowl Sunday as their first       post new year’s eve opportunity to abuse alcohol; 

No. 5 ½: To collect embarrassing details about the behavior of the friends that abuse alcohol to trade silence in exchange for a favor at a later date; and

No. 6: To have access to salty, crunchy, cheesy food particularly nachos and quesadillas.

I suspect many of you can relate and, if it weren’t for the food and bonding, would just skip the game altogether. This year, let’s face down our inauthentic behavior. It can’t be that tough. All the super bowl television ads and the half-time show are available on YouTube, the post-game show will give you enough highlights to to prepare smart water cooler conversation, and it’s very likely that you already have a lifetime of embarrassing details to trade for silence.  Other than the potential to meet sports minded hotties, the only thing that you might miss is the food. Or, maybe not….

Just walk out the door during the pre-show madness and hit the now-empty corner bodega for a six pack of Belgian Beer, blue corn chips, flour tortillas, chorizo sausage, Kraft’s Mexican cheese mix, a can of black beans, sour cream and jar of medium salsa. Call any rotisserie chicken take-out shop and order the grilled white meat chicken platter. Finally, pick up a bouquet of girly-girl flowers and saunter back at your leisure. 

Once home, take out Me2 Design’s Ode to Jon platter and a chilled beer stein, put those buds in a pretty vase, hit the PLAY button for a favorite Windham Hill CD, and collapse into your favorite chair. Whether you rent a chick flick, review another Oscar-nominated movie, secretly read a teen-in-love-with-vampire novel or catch last season’s episodes of The Closer during game-time, applaud your individual choice. As long as your oven or microwave is in good working order, feel free to satisfy your nacho-quesadilla-beer Super bowl cravings in peace and without a drunken friend passing out on your sofa or passing enough gas to light a match. 

Diana

Have a wine tasting party that is set it up as a game and party. Each guest brings a bottle of their favorite red (depending on type of wine tasting you host) with their complementary favorite cheese and each guest fills out all their product’s info. (cost, year, ingredients, region, etc.) on the back of an index card. Then line up all the wines and all the cheeses and create questionaire. Which is the oldest vintage? Which has the fullest richest taste? Which wine/cheese is the best match?  What is the least favorable? Which is French?  California?  Italian? Australian? Chilean? Which is the most expensive? Whoever gets the most answers correct, wins a prize. I would like to suggest to check out ME2 Design for door prizes and gifts, especially for this game. A ME2 cheese tray would be the perfect. I purchased the cheese trays with a bottle of wine and my employees loved it. And they always use the trays!

We have things like On Demand and net flicks that makes it easy for us not to relate to others too! I love to talk on the phone. That is my thing…

I played ‘hand and foot’ over the holiday with my parents- the new card game popular among the “over 60’s snow birds”. What a long but challenging game. It is fun but have to pay attention- all the time. Anyone have any light hearted games that you play at a cocktail party?

from:partyp

Agoraphobia! I certainly feel like I could stay inside, order in, and rent movies via cable, talk on the phone and email for days without actually interacting with a human being. To your other point, I ran into an online media blog yesterday that linked to the two superbowl coke tv spots. One of them revolved around second life-esque avatar culture. I am not entirely convinced that what is now becoming First Life online is a good thing, but it sure reduces one’s carbon footprint! D

wow… I agree. I have friends losing their jobs from all sectors. I work for myself so it has its own issues. You can never leave it! It stares at you when you are trying to watch 30 Rock! We have to get together with our friends at each others houses more instead of constantly going to the clubs or restaurants in the Lower east side. I here that Wii is the new social thing now where you can compete against each other from the comfort of your own couch. You don’t even need to talk to one another or see each other. Forget our old ways of normal socialization and actually visiting each other, having a laugh over a board game.

My parents love to play cards- any type of cards.  But they just called me saying that they want to buy all the kids a Wii so we can virtually play against each other!!!  They are 70!  I wonder if they will get addicted to Wii and then Second Life? Are we all becoming a society of agoraphobics living inly in the virtual world?

From: d&m

I guess that is what George will need to do now that he was ‘booooo’d’ out of office…if you are no longer welcome there, punt, and find something else to do. Funny how all the dirty laundry is starting to smell from the Bush admin. Cheney imagine him throwing a party or even being invited to one? Great blog for the New Year, Diana.