The over-stressed and the over-extended.
Thursday, March 12th, 2009
Has anyone noticed a bit of tension in the air lately? We are all under a lot of pressure with life changes and stress, but recently I have had several encounters with people that make me think the world is on tilt. It seems like people are more impulsive, irrational, and threatening than ever before, and my hope is that this article will inform, enlighten, and soften the edge we all carry with us so we can help each other instead of fight each other.
It was a beautiful, sunny evening in Florida. The news had come out that Madoff’s ponzi scheme stole billions of dollars from investors. I was driving my pup to the beach where she has her daily run. I was making a right-hand turn in the far right lane. A 40-something, Mercedes-driving crackpot pulled up to my bumper, waited ten seconds, proceeded to go around me, and cut me off as I was trying to make the turn. Impulsively, I hit the horn to warn him that he was four inches from my car. Suddenly, he pulled off to the right shoulder, got out of his car, and started to charge toward my car with his veins popping out of his neck.
Shaking, I immediately started to lock the car doors. He jerked the door handle as he tried to open the passenger door. My pup jumped into my lap. Frustrated that he could not get in the car, he decided to kick in the back door, leaving a large dent in the door. He walked away, got in his car, and drove off.
When I finally found an officer, he was very helpful after he noticed how visibly shaken up I was. After he processed the license plate, he informed me that the driver had no priors. The officer seemed to be strangely supportive of the man’s actions and said, “Well, I realize that you are upset but he probably just had a bad day.” “Bad Day?” I asked. “How ‘bad’ does life have to be to attack a car?”
I was surprised at the officer’s apathy. All I could think was if a cop considers this a casual occurrence, then is this exaggerated, irrational, and abusive behavior becoming the new normal? The officer passed me a card with his name, badge number, and telephone number of the local precinct. He advised me to contact the precinct in several days to follow up to see if an officer had contacted this man to reprimand him of his criminal misconduct.
I was unable to reach a person in the Records Department at the local precinct to follow up. I was left with $400 in body repairs, and the other guy probably still isn’t playing nice.
A study by Bachelor of Psychology (honors) student, Ben Hoggan, reveals that people experiencing significant stress at work often develop shorter fuses that can influence their level of road rage:
“For people under constant stress who feel like they’re undervalued, underpaid, and under-appreciated at work, even minor situations can trigger anger that builds to a point where high and uncontrolled levels of aggression are unleashed on the motoring public. These people release their frustrations on the road because it is a convenient location for them, they feel invincible within their protective steel barrier, it’s their space on the road and if people invade that space, the drivers believe they are well within their rights to attack other road users.”
For those of us who live in major US cities, we definitely see an increase in road rage, so I wanted to share with you some of our ways of dealing with aggressive drivers:
• Err on the side of being courteous. It promotes good energy thru your life. • Ignore any yelling or rude behavior toward you. Don’t fight back; you don’t know if they are armed and dangerous. • If you are at fault, always wave apologetically. • Stay away from drivers who are speeding, constantly changing lanes, and noticeably angry. • Take a deep breath and forget it happened.
A week later another incident happened with my neighbor outside my condo. Regrettably, I forgot to put my puppy on a leash. I walked past my neighbor. He had two old dogs, a dachshund and a terrier. Before my pup and I could even say hello, he got in my face and started screaming as if he was suddenly struck with Tourette’s. “What the F$#@% are you doing! Are you a f$%#@&^* idiot! Don’t you put your dog on a f%$#@!&^ leash!” I was flabbergasted. I shook my head and replied, “What! Did you just call me an idiot? Are you insane?” I interrupted his rant by walking off and saying, “Have a good day.” Before I knew it, he walked back out towards me and said, “I am so so so sorry! Can you please forgive me? I am so sorry. You are not an idiot. Please forgive me!” My heart broke for him because I witnessed just how close to the edge he must have been feeling. I apologized for not following the leash law and wished him a great day.
I decided to do a little research to understand what is happening on a global level so I can possibly help shed light on this potentially destructive trend and give some helpful tips that help my friends and I deal.
• 54% of Americans suffer from elevated stress in every day life today. • 75% of all illnesses are stress-related. • 12.5 million people are out of work. • Six million American men suffer from depression and twice that amount of women are affected by depression. • 19 million Americans have an anxiety disorder.
We are saddled with pressure, fear, and emotional stress from recent developments that have pummeled our economy and us. Though we are trying to logically deal with our finances and future plans in order to survive, some of us have guilt and shame for making poor financial decisions and feeling responsible for things we didn’t do. We might not think we can make an impact to help others change. Some of us are angry that we lost our retirement funds, 401Ks, or are out of a job because of changes we could not control.
There is reluctance to trust anything or anyone. I sense a feeling of helplessness in the air when I talk to people because the issues are so overwhelming. It leaves us feeling almost numb and helpless when we could empower each other to change. It is not the problems that haunt us; it is the way we react to our problems that has a lasting effect on our lives. We have a choice on how we react to issues and others.
Your neighbor who still has a good job and a home did not cause your problem. It is an exercise in futility to be envious and jealous of those who have more than you. You do not know their story of what they’ve been thru or what they had to do to get there. Life is not fair, so why envy them? Focus on what you can do for yourself, your family and friends.
Denial is just a delayed solution, so wake up and start looking for solutions and opportunities. If you are laid off, try and get a job doing anything whether it is related to your line of work or not. Several headhunters told me that employers would rather see that you spent six months working than doing nothing. It shows a commitment and strong work ethic.
There are several things we can all do to control ourselves in the face of uncertainty, stress, anger, loss and fear:
• Reach out to friends and neighbors. Get involved in your neighborhood and community. Volunteer. You will get the support you need and will feel good that you are helping others.
• We all experience stress, but pessimists, perfectionists, and those with ‘type A’ personalities greatly increase the level of stress they experience and bring more stress into their lives with negative thoughts and behavior patterns. Replace a bad attitude with an understanding that all of us are in the same boat.
Try to focus on the positive things or “wins” in your daily life, no matter how small. Appreciate life and not your material wealth. Remember that generations before ours lived on much less and survived and were actually happy. There is hope for all of us.
• Exercise regularly to release hormones that help your body and mind become healthy. Ride your bike instead of drive. Endorphins, testosterone, and estrogen are typically released after exercise. These hormones help with self-confidence, create a positive and “euphoric” mood, increase metabolic rate, and also enhances sex drive, which is also a great stress reliever.
• Take time to be still. Be with nature. Plant a garden or take a walk. Spend time outside. Meditate. Do yoga or other stress-relieving disciplines. Practice deep breathing exercises. Always Remember: Do not make permanent decisions in a temporary place.
• Step back from relationships and activities that are negative or counterproductive. Edit the waste in your life and in your home so you have more time and space to grow with the changes coming into your life. Consolidate. Me2 Design items were made for those of us who need to downsize because most of their items are compact for smaller spaces; have storage and are multi-functional.
Decide how much time you are willing to spend with others. Prioritize.
• Focus on what you can control. Get organized and empower yourself to make changes in your life and community. A job will get you out of the house and in the stream of possible new opportunities, give you self-confidence and get you back into a positive mindset.
• Hold on to your house as long as you can. Bankruptcy will plague you for years to come and should only be your very last resort after you have called your bank, lending institutions, and city government for assistance. Change your spending patterns and ask your bank for a lower rate in order to get through this time. Pay cash for everything. Cut up your credit cards and look to buy used items instead of new. Buy food in bulk at discounters.
• Remember that the only constants in life are change and karma. This too shall pass, but it is how you react today that determines your tomorrow.
Have faith. Remember, God is watching. Love thy neighbor.
