Valentine’s Day, February 14:
A holiday ripe with sentiment, thick with expectation, a big revenue booster for the restaurant and red rose business, and the single day of the year that causes more people to fall out of love than get engaged. At least that’s the conclusion my education and experience supports…

Let’s face it. For all the money spent on talk therapy in the US, Valentine’s Day is the one holiday on which many intelligent and self-realized people still believe that their partner can read their mind. On any other day, an expression of good intentions can diffuse an argument. On Valentine’s Day however one wrong step can cause a relationship’s global apocalypse.  
Timing is part of the problem.  Many couples delay dealing with their conflicts until after the November – December holiday season. Then they sleep-walk through January in an over-spending, eating and liquor induced coma. Finally, February rolls around, they wake up and realize that the relationship needs serious work and they find themselves sitting on the “do I stay or do I go” fence. KABLAM – here comes Valentine’s Day, and with it the pressure to communicate unconditional love and support a wealth of Hallmark-esque romantic fantasies.

Frankly I don’t know how any relationship survives the month of February but whatever side of the relationship fence you fall, I have a few recommendations.

For those that can’t handle the pressure, don’t feel the unconditional love vibe, or make the decision to walk away from the relationship:

Do not play the “I will behave badly so they will break up with me and I can be the victim” game.  

If you believe that a relationship is broken, admit that you are unwilling to do the work to fix it. State your limitations and desire to move on, pure and simple. 

Own your decision, and do not be pulled into a long painful analysis of what is good and bad about the relationship, you or your partner. This discussion is an emotional quagmire designed to keep you connected to your ex- via pain and drama. Once the decision is made, the reasons behind the decision are irrelevant. 

Do not find fault in the person you are breaking up with or defend your feelings. One response to your ex-lover’s plea for an explanation may be: There were many wonderful moments in our relationship. I have no doubt that you will meet someone fantastic very soon and I wish you only the best. 

After the breakup conversation, NO CONTACT for at least 3 weeks. No phone, voice-mails, emails, face-books lookups, conversations in the hallway. Nothing. Do not try to jump directly into an awkward friendship. No contact equals no mixed messages or misunderstandings. Note: The no contact rule is tougher than the actual breakup but in order to heal, people need to experience life fully without the ghost of a broken relationship lingering about. 

On the short term, you may believe it’s more difficult to face your partner’s disappointment than behave horribly to a person that you cared for in the past.  Long term, however, stating the truth without all the bad behavior leaves your self-respect intact, less anger and resentment is harbored, and probability of both people moving on to loving relationships is greater. 

If you are the breakee, and are heartbroken, I am very sorry for your loss. You must remember that you are NOT a loser, and the good news is that you dodged a bullet. Stock up on movies, call your friends, take a trip, learn a language, keep busy, and embrace the idea that you should not have to convince anyone to love you, no matter what you may feel for them.

V’DAY ADVICE IF YOU LIVE IN

MUSHY MUSH-LAND

If you fall on the gushy, “get a room, will ya?” side of the relationship fence:

1. Flowers: if you don’t want red roses, state so LOUDLY and offer other floral suggestions. A picture on the refrigerator helps. It’s very hard to ignore the flower industry’s marketing blitz so tell your partner what you like in case they succumb. 

2. Food: If crowded restaurants are not your cup of tea, find out what your lover’s favorite foods are. Ask if they could choose their last meal on earth, what would it be?  If you don’t know how to prepare it, find someone that does or go to a gourmet store. Set a table. Light a candle. Taste can be as sensual as sight and smell. 

3. Nothing says “I love you and only you” like individual red velvet cupcakes served up on Angie’s Tasting Tower by ME2 Design.  A scrumptious recipe for red velvet cupcakes can be  found below. You can even craft sexy Twitter-style messages for the top of each.

4. Frolic: For the evening’s festivities to continue through to the next morning, don’t forget to take a long nap on the 13th and remember that too much liquor can diminish a man’s “stamina”. If have a desire to spice things up a bit, Valentine’s Day is a great opportunity to experiment with costumes (Cop? Genie? Anything involving a green jumpsuit, a hammer, and construction?), food (whipped cream, fruit, sushi, ice chips), or electronic devices (no description necessary). FYI: satin sheets are not all they are cracked up to be.

Whether you are in love, single or recently single and not happy about it, have fun and practice gratitude. A great love affair is a gift but having no relationship is MUCH more fun than being in a bad or mediocre one. 

Prep Time: 20 min.
Cook Time: 20 min
Total Time: 40 min      
Yield: 24 frosted cupcakes

Ingredients

    * 2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
    * 1 1/2 cups sugar
    * 1 teaspoon baking soda
    * 1 teaspoon salt
    * 1 teaspoon cocoa powder
    * 1 1/2 cups vegetable oil
    * 1 cup buttermilk, room temperature
    * 2 large eggs, room temperature
    * 2 tablespoons red food coloring
    * 1 teaspoon white distilled vinegar
    * 1 teaspoon vanilla extract

For the Cream Cheese Frosting:

    * 1 pound cream cheese, softened
    * 2 sticks butter, softened
    * 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
    * 4 cups sifted confectioners’ sugar
    * Chopped pecans and fresh raspberries or strawberries, for garnish

Directions

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. 
Line two (12-cup) muffin pans with cupcake papers.

In a medium mixing bowl, sift together the flour, sugar, baking soda, salt, and cocoa powder. In a large bowl gently beat together the oil, buttermilk, eggs, food coloring, vinegar, and vanilla with a handheld electric mixer. Add the sifted dry ingredients to the wet and mix until smooth and thoroughly combined.

Divide the batter evenly among the cupcake tins about 2/3 filled. Bake in oven for about 20 to 22 minutes, turning the pans once, half way through. Test the cupcakes with a toothpick for doneness. Remove from oven and cool completely before frosting.

For the Cream Cheese Frosting:

In a large mixing bowl, beat the cream cheese, butter and vanilla together until smooth. Add the sugar and on low speed, beat until incorporated. Increase the speed to high and mix until very light and fluffy