Before I write another word, I have a confession to make. 
I know next to nothing about the game of football. Or the teams or players or coaches or stadiums. Nothing, nada, niente, nicht, zip-arooni. That’s right, ZERO.

To add insult to injury to any real fan’s emotional involvement, during my 3-year association with Arizona State University, a highly respected Pac-10 behemoth of a school, I only attended the half-time shows of four games. One year, they were even invited to the Rose Bowl, and I didn’t turn it on. Not once.

In sum, I know just enough about football to make believe I understand what I’m watching and hoot at the appropriate times. And get away with it.

Below find the Real Reasons I watch the Super Super bowl: 

Far and Away No. 1: To meet macho sporty athletic-type men and women. HOT!
    
No. 2: To make sure I understand all the post-super bowl gossip and humor;
    
No. 3: To watch the television ads (the Budweiser horses always bring me to tears);
    
No. 4: To watch the half-time show (go Bruce!);

No. 5: To act as the designated driver for those that use Super Bowl Sunday as their first       post new year’s eve opportunity to abuse alcohol; 

No. 5 ½: To collect embarrassing details about the behavior of the friends that abuse alcohol to trade silence in exchange for a favor at a later date; and

No. 6: To have access to salty, crunchy, cheesy food particularly nachos and quesadillas.

I suspect many of you can relate and, if it weren’t for the food and bonding, would just skip the game altogether. This year, let’s face down our inauthentic behavior. It can’t be that tough. All the super bowl television ads and the half-time show are available on YouTube, the post-game show will give you enough highlights to to prepare smart water cooler conversation, and it’s very likely that you already have a lifetime of embarrassing details to trade for silence.  Other than the potential to meet sports minded hotties, the only thing that you might miss is the food. Or, maybe not….

Just walk out the door during the pre-show madness and hit the now-empty corner bodega for a six pack of Belgian Beer, blue corn chips, flour tortillas, chorizo sausage, Kraft’s Mexican cheese mix, a can of black beans, sour cream and jar of medium salsa. Call any rotisserie chicken take-out shop and order the grilled white meat chicken platter. Finally, pick up a bouquet of girly-girl flowers and saunter back at your leisure. 

Once home, take out Me2 Design’s Ode to Jon platter and a chilled beer stein, put those buds in a pretty vase, hit the PLAY button for a favorite Windham Hill CD, and collapse into your favorite chair. Whether you rent a chick flick, review another Oscar-nominated movie, secretly read a teen-in-love-with-vampire novel or catch last season’s episodes of The Closer during game-time, applaud your individual choice. As long as your oven or microwave is in good working order, feel free to satisfy your nacho-quesadilla-beer Super bowl cravings in peace and without a drunken friend passing out on your sofa or passing enough gas to light a match. 

Diana